Is Kirstie Alley that needy ?

A woman of a certain age has found that one thing you never want to do is criticize another woman. It's just not done, it's rude...you don't throw stones if you live in a glass house. Well - -I believe I have a need.

I just finished reading the Sunday paper. It is one of my guilty pleasures. I drink coffee, listen to NPR and read a few papers. There were two articles one in entertainment and the other in perspective that caught my attention and hit a raw nerve.

First we'll dive into the perspective piece, well -written by a degree'd professional citing that 'fat' was the last legitimate and vocal prejudice. In her piece she noted that people that would otherwise be ashamed of telling jokes or making comments about someones race, gender preference or heritage; would participate in lambasting the fat. It appears that this is the last vestige - -girth ! She mentioned that Michele Obama was putting her girls on a diet. The point I believe was lost in that I believe Mrs. O's objective is to get her girls on a path to a healthy lifestyle. One that does include eating good, clean food, exercising and perhaps staying away from subversive behaviors, e.g. trans fats, smoking, excessive drinking and perhaps even sex...who knows. But - -brava to Mrs O - raising daughters today is a challenge (I know) and doing it under the microscope of the media is daunting ( Congratulations, Mrs. O)...and sad that the writer took it as another slam against the corpulent. The writer's claim was that fat people wear their shame. I believe she is correct. It did give me additional perspective. I have found that since my weight loss, I do look at the fat as something I can 'catch' again. It's like a virus - - I believe I am one slab of carrot cake away for descending into the abyss myself...which brings me to the subject...

I am terribly sorry - -this is a rant - -and needs to be framed accordingly- -and appearing in the entertainment section of the paper (which is where it belonged) It's about Miss Kirstie Alley. Yes, I was one of the millions that saw her lose her weight publicly, be a spokes model for Jenny Craig. I did see her reveal on Oprah - swim suit strutting...You go girl ! I also saw her beg Oprah for some sort of reward and Oprah being, well - -Oprah gave her a kitchen beyond belief. Kudos to Oprah for praising efforts. Shame on her for not being able to say "no" to the needy Alley; again - she is Oprah and Miss Alley could push the buttons and got swag (and Ned Berkus too). Demonstrating that being needing and asking for stuff publicly is both distasteful (I hate when people leverage Oprah as if she's the ultimate human ATM machine) and can get you home renovations (whether you are worthy or not).

As with most people who do have a weight issue, Miss Alley did relapse. For those of us who suffer with this, we feel your pain. What I don't get is the need to keep doing it publicly ? It appears that this is one big infomercial for her new product line - and using the reality format to gain attention and acceptance. What's with that ? Now on one hand, very few of us do have the platform to teach. Oprah does - -and again - she does demonstrate that this is a struggle and every day is a new beginning and we all need to do what is right for us. Miss Alley's method seems more needy and self-serving. Quite frankly...Who cares ? She has morphed into the Paris Hilton of the Chubby set. Guess what...We don't need a middle-aged clebra-tante to represent all of us mid-aged women who are basically invisible - hold on to a few pounds and obsess about what's in our new designer refrigerator. Lighten up - -figuratively and literally.

Dear Miss Alley - - Get treatment, do it privately and are you so needy that you need to share these intimacies with the balance of America - and now, the world wide web? Guess what...? We don't care. Please go back to your gourmet kitchen with your lemurs, eat yourself into a coma and leave us alone...Or - -better yet - -You are an actress - -Exercise your craft - get a real job - -like the rest of us. Leave us alone -or- make us legitimately pay to see you perform in something worth seeing (try - Ibsen, Williams, Shakespeare....anything...)

Note to the producers: What the hey are you thinking ? Do you want edu-tainment, sensationalism - -or do you really want to do something to benefit the viewer. Take a look at the "Biggest Loser" - -these are everyday people making a difference...Look at Mrs. Obama - -eat healthy and exercise (live by example)...even look at Oprah - -you can't just make the fat disappear - it's a struggle.

Note to Potential Viewers: Don't watch this crap - -! Get off your sofa and take a walk...talk to your kids, read a book, edify yourself in some other way. This is worse than pornography - you are wasting your precious time watching someone that requires your adulation to carry on - -oh, and by the way - -she is getting paid (yes, money) to perform for you. Does that make it more obscene ? It should...You can make this show from your own TV room...Video your family eating -and- vegetating all at the same time...Does it have the same entertainment value ? Here's the challenge - -Do not be a spectator - Be the star of your own world and participate...you will be surprised what you can accomplished. Write your own destiny ...

For all the other middle-aged women who carry a few (or many extra) pounds on your frame. Don't buy into this - -you are better than this. If you struggle, know that we all do. Once you do accept that this is difficult - that is half the battle. There are all methods to help you shed the weight. But it's like quitting smoking, the only person who can make it happen is you. Believe in yourself and amazing things can happen. Take a pill or short cut with Miss Alley and you'll be in the same loop as she is in. Remember - -we've seen her do this before. It's a re-run...Make yours the most individual and eventful journey you can. It's all about YOU not her.

With love,
Kit

I made THE call today

I shouldn't say I made THE call today. I finally connected, made the appointment and confessed my sins to my attorney. Yes, she is my attorney. I feel so empowered and I feel like I have finally started the process of ending my marriage. Whew...I thought I was ready. I know I am.
The date is next week. I've got the paperwork, directions and cash. Now, it's time to execute.

There will be so many changes to several people's lives based on my one decision. I don't feel worthy of that type of power. I just know that it's not good for me to continue to live this way.

There are so many celebrations when people decide to get married. I believe being engaged was the happy time...so much anticipation and just jubilant of the moment. The reality is merging two lives, building a business and raising a family. Well - -the family is raised. She's fairly complete - as much as she can be given what she has to work with. The business of "Us Inc" leveled off a few years ago and has been in steady decline since. If it was my business, I would have sold it off years ago and the merging of lives - -now seems like pathetic entwindment - like spaghetti or a twisted neck chain...no happy ending and just circles of frustration.

It's not as if there is anything better. I've played, experimented and come to the realization that you still need to be your best friend. Sometimes you have as good as it gets - -not striving for perfection, just don't want all the pressure and responsibility of -- -everything. I also want an intimate relationship with a man, not a cordial co-habitation...asking for too much? I think I would like a little romance too - I'm kind of tired of all the effort...in every capacity.

He is a wonderful man - I never want to be an ex-basher. There is nothing wrong with him. He is only guilty of being himself and of loving me. The reason I did marry him was that he was the first person I dated that did not want to change me. I found that he didn't want to cast me in the stereotypical wife role and I did like that; it worked. I did need for him to be stronger, more forceful. He is brilliant, great sense of humor, honest, loyal and was a great kisser. I wouldn't know any more. He gave me razor burn the first time we enjoyed each other. His lips were wonderfully soft and he was a passionate lover. No regrets, just don't know the exact moment it way awry - -or if it was the figurative death-by-a-thousand-cuts.

More to come...this too will be a journey...

With love,
Kit

Oh my - -I feel the Variation....Six Sigma and more...

You know there are days when things just go right - and you do not know whether to attribute them to luck or planning.

I'm just going to go with it. I believe in Six Sigma lingo, it's called 'feeling the variation'...

Here's the question...someone asks you, "Are you happy?"...

And this is someone that you have had incredible sex, know that he adores you - -but somehow or some way will not come out and say it. You also know that this is a someone who just loves women - - has a huge ego (and parts to match) and can't really connect intimately. You know that he is someone that probably had sex with someone else and missed being with you - but because he can't tell you how he really feels about you, lobs over..."Are you happy?"...

Well - -darlin' - - "Happy" is a graduation in variation...all the way from a slight smile (a la Mona Lisa would be a one) to a screaming orgasm(s) - make that a "10" -or- maybe it's the few seconds after the actual orgasm that are sheer bliss...perhaps making it an "11".

When asked, I was sitting at about a 6 - -happy with life in general, not feeling anxious or depressed...pleased that the weather was nice and just looking forward to taking an unrushed shower and deep condition my hair. Then after the 'ask'...oh, I started to slip...what does this mean? He really does miss me...he even said so...however, it is convenient to say so in a text message- -it's almost as if he's keeping in touch, maintaining the business side of it - ensuring that he's in good favor, so he can continue to get good favor.

Is it an oxymoron to be middle-aged and happy? I'm starting to think that I'm evolving into a Middle Aged Babe (MAB)...and I am indeed "Babe-a-licious...Has that for variation ???!

I'm also thinking that I don't have to fall for the "Are you happy?" bait too...Of course I am, I am healthy, got great skin, was having a fabulous hair day and saved $5 yesterday (today, I saved more)....he teases, but I will not let him sway me. I have an incling that he'd like me to fall into his depressive mode...sorry, not there...I'm not buying it. Stay in your snowy, dreary climate...mine is full of sunshine and yes, smiles...I may even burp flowery bubbles...so there !

Spark People and THE Resolve

I'm probably the last person to stumble upon the "Spark" people...but it's worth a mention....

I signed up for 3-goals this week. I like a goal driven philosophy - -here they are:

1. Get 8 hours of sleep a night
2. Save $5 a day
3. Run/Walk - 5 miles this week.

All of which do not seem taxing at all and in a way can give me something to track that's tangible.

Sleeping, saving and stepping are all good for the soul.

I have started to pull the divorce trigger...quite liberating. Spoke to a long standing acquaintance on Friday, she found her husband filandered. She was so hurt; but empowered. She took this as the opportunity to get her life in order. Divorced him, took 6 weeks completeley and she isn't looking back. She's a woman that used to work for me and she's given me the inspiration to finally do it.

I got the courage, and called...then got stuck in a phone-mail-tag-telephone-tree-net that was just unforgiving and really unacceptable. I did leave several messages. I saved the money, I want to do this. It is time. The big question is: how do you get him to move out ?

It is daunting...why won't he just leave? I believe because he cannot. He does not have the direction, options or faith in himself to do it. It is time, it is time...OH, it's so time...

Now time to go for a walk - -it's one of my resolves for the week...time to breath deeply and be thankful.

Gratitude is an interesting thing...I would like to thank my sponsors:

1. My childhood friend (AM) that always knows how to make me laugh - -and she just loves to eat.
2. My cousin "J", that made me feel loved- in a maternal way for the first time in a very, very long time.
3. Surf-and-Turf Market for having the most nutritious and delicious food on the planet, and
4. The "coffee gods" - that get me motivated to do my expense accounts (and I should be grateful that I have expense account access).

With love,

Kit

RE Invention 102

I do believe that' it better to blog than to send your heartfelt feelings to someone you are attempting to have a relationship.

Here's the net - Fell into a man's gravity, under the forthright pretense of friendship - there's still a strong mutual attraction, intense chemistry - and too many doubts or insecurities.

Yes, there was sex involved. Isn't there always sex involved? oh - -and it was good sex.

I was accused of wanting the "dream", I believe that's man for "happily ever after"...reality is...I Do Not. I believe that I prefer companionship, someone to have a brief encounter, perhaps dinner and a movie and then maybe a periodic overnight stay...but nothing more.

It's completely appropriate for a woman to not have to want to own a man. I do like men. I really like this man. I like the way his skin feels. I like his taste. I like how he kisses me. I appreciate his tenderness and I really like his love making technique. I like everything about his gravity. I gain strength from his kisses and feel intensely.

There is something about a physical encounter that makes you feel completely safe: enveloped in the arms of a man that desires you.

Here's the rub - The chemistry is there. The sex is great. There's a vulnerability about the psyche that's evident. I don't know if we're beyond having a real interpersonal relationship. We can talk. We do talk. We even communicate. He says he has to 'be in control' and doesn't have that with me. I don't know what that means. He has a history of being with mean women. I refuse to be mean. I am not mean. I want to give him so much, BUT do I view him as needing me? Ah, is it I that wants to rescue. A beautiful man that's been damaged by a cheating spouse would be quite grateful. However, it's not quite working out that way.

I have received many communiques from him. Are they all tied to other women that just don't quite measure up, he legitimately misses me and then the cycle repeats...we have sex and then both get scared AGAIN...? Humm...

Is this what's referred to as a red flag? I believe it is (that's the inner monologue speaking...). The other advantage of the blog is that you get to answer the quandary..So as I was so adamant about reinvention, it appears that I have some unfinished business....a husband and a friend with benefits type. I believe that's the middle ground that we've agreed to enter. "Friends with Benefits"...so easy and yet so non-committal.

Reality is: I would follow this man anywhere. Yes, it is sad. I cannot call him, I cannot e-mail him. I want to, but I will not. It is a game, he must take initiative. I will no longer. If he wants me - as he has in the past - he will need to pursue. Is that a man need? I believe if he wants the control, I will give it to him. Here it is, babe - -all the control you want.

I believe I like this. Drive...you want the wheel? Here you go...An evening of wreck less abandon. I just loved it. I wanted more. I still want more. Time to let go....breathe in. breathe out...relax...wait, be patient...breathe...keep centered....

Things to be thankful for:

1. Today - I got to be 'in the zone'...
2. My health- I was given a wonderful body. I appreciate it, it works and I need to treat it better. I apologize for eating a pint of Cherry Garcia today. It was a momentary lapse.
3. My credit union - They honored their promise of community and refunded me the money the anonymous digital rapist stole from me.
4. A hotel shower with towels - I'm going to take a long shower, wash my hair, deep condition it - I'm going to breathe in the steam and hope that both my head and lungs get purified. I will sleep alone and like it.

The journey home starts tomorrow: real and metaphoric. I like it here in Colorado. There just seems to be more substance than Florida. Let's start the journey with clean hair, a smile and the confidence that it will be a quality adventure.

With love,

Kit