OK - With the reinvention also came waves of doubt, remorse and curiosity. I found that as my packaging (the fat) started to melt, my libido came out of hibernation. It was a very slow awakening and then Kaboom... I have been married to one man for over 28 years. I thought he was the love of my life, we had a series of disappointments that put a huge wall between us. Although we were good friends, there was no spark. There was no sex, just gentle kiss 'hello and good bye'...genuine affection and hand holding. I dove deeper into work and succeeded. I was rewarded with promotions and tony assignments. I grew increasingly empty inside, but loyal and devoted to my husband and my marriage.
In March of 2008; I was sent to India for work. I found myself sitting in business class from New York to Delhi next to a very articulate (and handsome) Indian national. The unusual part of this is I typically plug myself into my iPod and open a book upon taking my seat, just to send the 'leave me alone signal'. This man had the most attractive, yet sad, brown eyes I have ever seen. He was tall, slender, short cropped black curly hair and just exquisite hands. I know - I know. I noticed the hands immediately: long, slender and very well groomed. He was a gentleman; well dressed, pressed and ready for a long trip. He introduced himself, extended his hand and shook mine firmly. He kept his eyes fixated on mine, not creepy - -highly approving and complimentary. It seemed like kismet. We talked for hours, ate together as you do on planes..and drank wine as you do on planes in business class. The flight attendants thought we were travelling together and gestured appropriately to an couple enjoying each other and the trip. New York to Delhi is a 15 hour flight...yes - -a 15 hour flight. Talking non-stop, we were moving closer to each other telling jokes and then he lightly touch the inside of my left wrist...very nonchalantly, non threatening and highly electric. I could feel a surge of his energy enter me- and I was not having a hot flash. I knew I was in trouble. The lights were very dim in the cabin and he leaned into me, lips grazing mine- -magical. He took my breath away. It was the most romantic moment of my life. His hand pulled my head closer to his and he kissed me deeply, passionately and for what seemed like an eternity. This lips were peppered with a light curry from his meal and mine were salty - -He tasted delicious and he tasted like more. Our lips parted and he gazed deeply into my eyes, rubbing his lips against my cheeks, eyelids and back to my lips, this time his tongue deeply explored mine. Time seemed to stand still, the cabin was dark and still and all I could do was feel his heartbeat and breath. This was the mother of all business trips !
I have travelled on business for over 25 years and have never, never had an encounter on a plane. I've heard of the mile-high club and all sorts of sordid activities that people do on planes and never thought it would be me...not kissing is not a bad thing. It does pass the time; it was after all a 15 hour plane ride! This was like a dream sequence. When it was time to debark, he told me that he would escort me off the plane through immigration. I was thinking that the plane was an isolated experience. It appears that he is a ranking executive with a multi national Indian based firm. He was greeted at the cabin door by an VIP escort and we were taken through a VIP immigration line. If you've ever been to Delhi - the immigration line is akin to a theme park queue, complete with sweaty tourists and punctuated with third world types. It's no picnic. And because I was being escorted by this gentleman, I bypassed the entire morass...It was like being miraculously upgraded. The process that should have taken easily an hour to two, was complete in 10 minutes.
He asked me if he could take me to my hotel and I panicked. I thought that this was going to be it. Plus, I did have a driver hired to pick me up at the airport. We parted ways, he kissed me on the cheek and asked if I could be available for dinner later in the week. I agreed and thought nothing more. I dismissed it as 'stuff happens on the road' and the 'mystic of India', which will be another tangent, we'll take on another day. I thought this was going to be the last of my dashing Indian gentleman and I could go on with my hum drum life and work the next day.
Well - -the dashing gentleman did not miss a beat. He telephoned my hotel that evening to ensure that I was safe and secure and assured me that he had a delightful time with me and wished to thank me by taking me to dinner. I did mention to him that I had a very ambitious several days in Delhi, Hyderabad and several other place, and he persisted. It's is very Indian to wear you down when they want something - -evidently he did want me.
I literally floated for the next several days. I thought it was the jet lag, but I believe I was just smitten with India - -or more like my Indian gentleman, Ashwini.
He met me in the hotel lobby promptly at 6 p.m. on Wednesday, we had a few cocktails in the lounge and we could not keep our eyes off each other. I know we both knew dinner was not what either of us wanted. Indian culture is very discrete - there is no public displays of affection and there is a strong barrier between classes and races. I am a tall, white, blond woman - and all freshly packaged - -he is a fair skinned Brahmin, but nonetheless - we are a mixed race couple. I pushed my key to him and wrote the room number on the napkin. I mentioned that I'd meet him up there in 10 minutes.
I have never (this story is full of 'nevers') felt as turned on sexually as I was at this point. My thighs were trembling as I was walking and I was incredibly warm and very, oh so very wet - I took the elevator to and walked down the hall...and took a deep breadth as I knocked on my room's door...The door opened, his exquisite hand extended and pulled me into him as if it was a choreographed dance. Our lips met explosively and our hand and arms embraced...and clothes were just flinging..he sat on the corner of the bed and pulled me around him...just incredible....just flipping incredible...I will not go into the details I have in my diary...but I have never had such passionate, primal interaction with another human - -ever - -hours - yes, hours...He wanted me, he had me and I freely gave myself to him.
So here I am in a 5 star hotel in Delhi, India - -naked, exhausted and smelling like musky sex...wondering what took me so long. No guilt, no remorse, complete satisfaction - -fully engulfed in the moment and wrapped around a magnificent man. A man with the endurance of a teenager and passion that was indescribable. He kissed me lightly and asked me to bathe with him...yes, we washed each
other...delicately - -and kissed some more....I washed his hair...kissed his back...and was plugged into a level of emotion that I did not know existed. This was bliss...
He dressed and told me he would take me to dinner the following night...He kissed me passionately and left around 1:30 a.m...it was after all a school night. Yes - -I had sex for over 6 hours...Who has sex for 6 hours ?
The next day I floated, worked and daydreamed...it was the start of a long term, clandestine affair...yes, I stepped over the boundary. I was an adulteress - a 51 year old adulteress. It was the first time that I realized that I did shut myself down, I wasn't stuffing my desire away with food. I actually let me feel my own sexual desire and it was magnificent.
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