Reinvention - Step 1- the teachable moment

Many years ago, I was working on a project that was going no where and fast. There was lots of dissenting, agenda playing and just plain rude behavior. I mentioned to a trusted colleague that I just couldn't figure their behavior out and aside from the 'raised by wolves' comment that I could always rely on; he said they are not at their "teachable moment". They have the capacity, the skill, but lack the desire or necessity. He gave the term attribution and quite frankly I forget (Maybe Malcolm Knowles?) - however, I find that it was very telling and did help me validate all the steps I've taken.

I found myself on the known side of 50 (my youth), thinking that there's got to be more. I decided to take a deep inventory of my assets (naturally) and an even more introspective view of my liabilities. Why are the liabilities so painful? And thought, I believe I'm at my personal 'teachable moment'...and what am I going to do about it. Here's what my inventory and my doctor told me...

1. You are overweight ! Yes, I was. I was wearing 205 lbs on my 5'7" frame and just don't know how that happened. Well - that also put me in a pre-diabetic state and just plain lethargic.
2. You work too much ! Yes, I do (note - I didn't say did). I've worked for a major technology company for 25 years and have a position of some figurative weight and benefit: Extensive world travel, dinner in 5-star restaurants and access to some fairly amazing work.
3. You have no life-work balance !- See above, when you work too much - not a lot of time to commit to other things, people, activities. It's hard to sign up for a class that meet every week at a certain time when you don't know what part of the world you might be in for the next 12 consecutive weeks. I have always said that I was athletic and creative and yet, really had done much (hence the 200+ lbs) or created much (other than paint some walls- -oh, in solid colors, nothing too ornate)
4. You have succeeded in alienating almost everyone that cares for you - -see Numbers 2 and 3.
5. Your only child did go to college - so did all of her friends - the house is quiet leaving you with a full refrigerator and a man you've been married to forever and don't necessarily have anything in common.

For Mother's Day that year, my daughter (I believe she's a tad clairvoyant) gave me a small picture to put on my desk...It was a saying in the sand..."Simplify your Life"...with a wave perched nearby as to say - -I'm going to take it away if you don't do something. This was a very humbling moment. Knowing my daughter, it could have been a last minute impulse purchase because she had nothing to re-gift me that would be appropriate for a 49 year old. However, I took the opportunity to reflect and I do recommend it...

Here's what I did...and we'll talk about them one at a time...Let's start with the overweight part. I know that you all know the stats and I know as a culture that we eat recreationally, eat to soothe ourselves, eat out of boredom, eat out of anger, stress and a myriad of other emotions. The point is we don't feel our emotions, we medicate them. I decided to get in touch with my body as the machine it was designed to be. Stay with me, the ending is good...

I found a doctor that specializes in holistic medicine. I told him I know I'm fat, I've tried everything (or at least I thought I had) and now I'm desperate. What to do...? Well, he and I did have a very engaging conversation. I know, you know - -if you have a weight problem it's as if you are embarrassed and ashamed all at the same time. Your weight is a barrier and it's may project that you have no self-control. I know- I know that you seem to disappear into the background. I know the pain - emotional as well as physical. I know my husband didn't look at me the same way he used to. I know that lipstick doesn't mitigate a big bottom, but I did try.

So - the magnificent Dr. McC did tell me how to lose the weight. He acted as two-fold: medical caregiver and support system all in one. He cared. I got my food list, my food diary, a list of vitamins (all store bought, nothing expensive) and the order to walk. I was also told to come in 2x's a week to weigh in. My cholesterol was in the hinterlands of 350+, and I was officially pre-diabetic. I have a very expansive history of diabetes in my gene pool. A beloved aunt lost her hands, feet and vision to the disease. She was a talented artist...it was a travesty. I know what diabetes does, it is not 'a little sugar problem' and it can destroy your life. I had the motivation.

Recommendation 1- take pictures of yourself...just for you and for motivation. I found that I had been 'camera shy' for about 12 years...being the one always taking the pictures not in them. I did not like what I saw; I also did not recognize who I was. I fully acknowledged that those were my clothes, my jewelry and shoes...but who was that fat woman wearing them ! Ah Ha !

I did have a good cry and realized that I needed to take this one step at a time. This was definitely a life defining moment. This is not who I wanted the world to know who I was . I was packaged wrong - -completely wrong.

Recommendation 2- Look forward always - Weight gain did not happen overnight, nor will it go away overnight. It has to be a journey. I made myself promise that that was the last day I was going to be an obese woman and that I did deserve better. Your eyes are facing forward for a reason and it's not to dwell in the past.

Recommendation 3- Write your goal weight down. I know it's a number and do not define yourself as a number, but it's a target someplace to hold on to when it gets rough. I picked my initial target as 150. In the mind set I was in, I thought that was a super stretch. The doctor said , "I think it should be 130-140". Was he serious ? Oh yes, dead serious...I wrote down "145" and put it on about 15 'post it notes'. I put these notes (and still have several of them) in places I go to all the time. 1) my wallet ...2) my underwear drawer...3) my make up bag...4) inside the butter dish compartment in the refrigerator)..5) where I keep my razors (just in case shaving all your body hair off can render you a quarter pound less)...6) discretely on my car dashboard 7) on the telephone- -all the places I could think would give me a passive reminder of where I wanted to go. If I wanted to go to Italy I would put Italian postcards all over, wouldn't you? Remember this is a journey

Recommendation 4- Inventory your pantry and refrigerator...and be relentless in throwing out food. My goal was to eliminate 'white food' from my diet. This was to be my first step. By white food, I'm referring to: sugar, white flour, pasta, rice, cereal, dairy (with the exception of yogurt and cottage cheese). Sugar comes in a variety of forms, very sneaky of the food industry. There is no reason you should be eating anything that has corn syrup in it. I found out from Dr. McC that the human body does not naturally crave sugar. It develops that over time and hence our abuse. Consider this a type of de-tox...Have you every quit cigarettes ? Well - -this is right up there with that. It is worth the goal. You just have to commit to it.

Back to the pantry - out with the chips, cookies, popcorn, pretzels, doritos, cupcakes, waffles, candy (yes, even the medicinal dark chocolate). Take it all out to the trash, do not - -eat any of it as you are throwing it away. It is never coming back. Make peace with that. Be strong and stand tall.

Recommendation 5- Go grocery shopping to stock up on the right stuff and do it as if you have never gone grocery shopping before. Go it alone !

Your list should comprise of: 1) protein - -chicken (white meat), turkey (white meat), fish, egg beaters 2) Vegetables: Lettuce, tomatoes, mushrooms, cucumbers, zucchini, cauliflower, broccoli 3) A no-fat salad dressing - like "Walden Farms" in refrigerator section 4) Low-sodium Soy Sauce 5) Wasa Bread 6) No-fat , low sugar Yogurt (Dannon makes a diabetic friendly version) 7) Crystal Lite - -I like Green Tea, Peach tea and Lemonade. 8) Fruit - Berries, apples, pears, peaches, plums - 9) No fat Cream cheese 10) Low sodium chicken stock, Herbs and spices. You can have coffee and tea - just no creamer or sugar.

That's it...now - -make a pact with yourself that you will cook all your food for the next week. You will not eat out. This is an important step - particularly in our culture. This means that you have to plan.

The idea is to 'get you into your personal space'...this is what I call it when I'm hitting on all cylinders and can't help but succeed. We'll work on personal worth too...but for now...

When I get resolve, I like to surround myself with positive messages. For me, it's going to the bookstore, camping out in the self-help section (You may want to get a book of Daily Affirmations (AA uses these very successfully, why can't we?..plus they are highly motivational))- -working with my hands - do something with my hands other than eat ! Get outside and take a walk - -feel the air on your face and in your lungs...think of what an accomplishment this journey is going to be. It is - -this story does have a good ending..

More to come -